New PADI specialty course teaches drysuit users how to urinate underwater

 RANCHO SANTA MARGARITA, CA - At the request of students and instructors, training managers at PADI have approved a new continuing education course.

     Starting this fall, all PADI Five Star training facilities with qualified instructors will be able to offer the P-Valve specialty course. The P-Valve diver is designed to give students the tools, training, and confidence to successfully and safely use an overboard urine relief valve on their drysuit.

    Those who regularly participate in the sport will tell you that SCUBA diving has the ability to give healthy, active, adults the bladder control of a pregnant racehorse. The solution for those who wear wetsuits is easy—just pee all over yourself. However, for those in a higher tax brackets who wear a drysuit, relieving one’s self is not that easy.

     Despite the knowledge that staying well hydrated is a safe diving practice, surveys indicated that many divers purposely dive dehydrated, out of fear that they will soil their drysuit.

Having and using a P-valve encourages divers to be well hydrated since it allows them to urinate underwater. It also allows them to mark their territory with their scent and show their dominance in the aquatic world.

     PADI Course Director Frank Drebin expressed his excitement for the new specialty course: “We want students to think of this course as more of a support group than a class—we understand the stigma and embarrassment that goes along with having to wear a glue-lined condom with a rubber hose attached to it. These are devices usually reserved for incontinent geriatrics and sexual deviants, but they also a very real part of diving.”

     Students are already lining up to take PADI’s newest specialty course.

“Before, I would just bite down on my fin strap and rip the condom catheter off,” said Open Water Diver Jake Elwood, who was involved in the pilot version of the class. “After taking the [P-Valve specialty] course, I now know that applying warm water and pulling gently at a 90 degree angle is much better for my penis.”

    The course is split into four phases: classroom, confined water training, open water training, and group therapy. The following excerpts are taken directly from the “PADI P-Valve Diver” training manual:

Classroom covers the basic bookwork and knowledge reviews, with topics including: What is a P-Valve? Why can’t I hold my bladder for 40 minutes? Why is there so much damn glue on these catheters? Why is it turning purple? Uh, does this thing fit right? Should I shave the hairs around the base?

Confined Water training consists of two pool sessions, in which the students demonstrate that they can if fact urinate through their drysuit. The first session must be conducted in water shallow enough to stand in, so that students can keep their ears out of the water to hear encouragement and, if needed, the sound of running water so they can start their urine flow. After successful completion, students must, in water they are unable to stand in, urinate a minimum of three times.  

After both pool sessions, Students are ready to show P-Valve proficiency in the Open Water. With a maximum ration of 2 students to 1 PADI professional, a student must urinate in the open water. Maximum allowable depth for this skill is 60ft.

    Required materials for this class are: PADI P-valve book pack, an overpriced PIC card, and the “PADI P-Valve ProPack,” which contains a 64 ounce bottle of Gatorade and a scratch and sniff sticker which reads, “I’m a big boy now!” 

    Long time drysuit diver and P-valve user Roger Murdock hoped that the education would prevent divers from learning incorrect techniques. “When I first started peeing through a tube, I didn’t have anyone around to show me how…I had to figure it out on the streets…I’m glad my son can learn correctly in a safe environment.”

    For the moment, the P-valve specialty is open only to males, although a female specific version of the class is in the works. Drebin explained that the decision to keep the course strictly for males is because “guy parts are more user friendly, you know, as far as the whole plumbing thing is concerned.”

“PADI is always looking for a way to server divers, and the P-valve specialty is just one more way we bring education and urinary comfort to our students,” said Drebin. “Attaching a latex sheath lined with a mild adhesive to your genitals is the logical solution. I can’t wait to have students take this course.” –Gary Baldi, Reporting for The Surface Swim